onyxexistance | Entries tagged with thoughts

    We tell the truth the way we were taught: make sure you don't look the other person in the eye because it shows weakness.
    And weakness is not tolerated. And, truth is both a astrength and a weakness.
    Neutralize it from positives and negatives. Wipe it clean of equations and numbers.
    It contains to particals except the spaces in which your tongue moves to form them. It holds no form except that which you grant it.
    Unlike lies, truth grows within itself, another need not be added. Doing so, however, seems miraculous and heightens the growth.
    The truth is not overrated in any way except one: it does not always set you free.
    Not always. If it hurts, that's perfectly alright, because there's usually someone there to pick up you and the pieces.
    But, truth can lock doors instead of opening them, shutter windows, and turn backs.
    Lying is an options, but defined as a strength or weakness is impossible. Strength to keep them true to each other and track the paths they take.
    Or a weakness to be unable to face the possibility of locked doors and the lights turned off.

Current Mood: lonely
Current Location: On a music note
Current Music: Sarah Slean - Out in the Park

    Today's Post: Copied and Posted from manyfacets

    How is it that every time I'm posting here, I seem to be ranting about something? Well, I'm not really complaining about anything, I'm just.......confused! I keep asking God why He's put certain people in my life when all they seem to do is cause me pain. I figure that most of them don't realize it, but they do.
    Seriously, the guy I talked about yesterday pretty much just ditched me, and didn't say a word to me afterwards. Thanks. And then a bunch of other shitty things happened, and his brother came over to our table, and I basically was a royal bitch to him. Honestly, I really need to watch myself. I keep blaming the wrong people, and then I feel like a first class loser. *slams head on desk*
    Music Festival is tomorrow, and I haven't practiced since Wenesday because of drama. I've practiced once already today, but I'm going to need to do it WAAAAAAY more because my singing teacher added some dippity-do-das in the one song, and wants me to sing it that way. My cassette player was wrecked for three weeks and I couldn't practice! Thanks a LOT!
I have to clean my room, bake muffins for tomorrow, and figure out what I'm doing for my Musical Theatre. I just want to curl up and cry. I need to do SOMETHING! I feel like shit, and I just want to scream at something! ANYTHING! I just want someone to talk to, who'll listen, and who won't think that I'm pathetic, insane, completely lost everything, wanting attention, whatever. I just want someone to hold me and tell me that things will be okay. I want someone who'll listen to me rant and rave for an hour, and won't mind me raving about the same thing two or three times over. I just want a friend right now.
    On top of that, my baby bro's in the hospital. The doctor in town can't figure out what the HECK is going on, so my parents took him to the city last night. He'll be there with my mom until Tuesday, which means that my dad's the only one home, which means I'll be in trouble at least twenty million times before my mom gets home. *sigh* We dont' get along so great.
    Something good DID happen this weekend though, related to Drama Festival! WE WON SECOND! For just about EVERYTHING! It was sooo great! And it's what we wanted. Because then we wouldn't have to move on, but we know that our play was great! Our drama directors were soooooo funny to watch! They jumped up and down and were just laughing! SOOOO funny! And then one girl won a medal for her part, another won an award, our play won two medals, our music and sound guy won a medal, and our light girl won a medal! It was so exciting!
    So yeah, even though some things went wrong, there were good things that happened. Like the dance. I enjoyed that. I mean, even though the guy was an idiot for the last part of yesterday, he was really nice to me most of the other time. Even though both he AND his bro were surrounded by girls all the time, and I could barely get a word in edgewise when that happened. I mean, he and I danced horribly together and everything at the dance on Friday. And then we sat together for the last play, and had fun, and whatever.
    And, I got to talk to him and his brother on MSN last night (I apologized to his brother.). Though, he DID leave without saying anything.........

    So, I guess there were some good things that happened. But, I'm still asking God why He's put those two in my life, as well as a few others. And I guess, it'll take time to tell me why.....[Unknown site tag]

Current Mood: depressed
Current Location: Desk
Current Music: Air 1

Hey all! Today was good! I had parent/teacher interviews this morning, and my mom was told that I was an amazing student, and that I work soooo hard! *blushes* Shucks! But too true! lol:D
    And then after a lunch of leftovers, i washed dishes from last night, breakfast, and lunch. If you don't live with eight other people, you won't understand how long this would take. I had wrinkled hands it took so long. Then, I talked to Tim for about half an hour. He was working on his book, which is really interesting so far. I read the first thousand words or so. I went a little easy when I critiqued it, which I shouldn't have done, but there wasn't even much more I could have said.
    Anyways, I said later to him, cause I wanted to drive to the college (I'm lazy like that!), and had to look for ten minutes before I found Jane. She was trying to find a plane home during the summer, one that she could afford. (she's from Scotland). Afterwards, she and I headed to the caf, where we both had hot chocolate and just chatted for a while. She wanted to hear about the teachers at the school, so that she would sort of understand who was who and all that.
    Nicole (my youth leader at my church. I'm Catholic, and the college in town is Full Gospel). Anyways, she came up, (yes, she's Catholic, goes to a Pentacostil (sp?) college), and we talked for about ten minutes before she had to leave.
    A little while later Jane had to leave, so I searched for Dilia. We talked for just about EVER! About an hour or so. It was great! I saw Sean for about two minutes (he had some homework to do). He was complaining about how i had made him bleed during out pillow fight last week. Poor baby! lol:D
    I saw Eric, though he was across the room, so I didn't get a chance to talk to him. And then as Delia left, I came across Trevor. We chatted for about ten minutes, and then he had to get to class and I had to head home to make supper.
    Honestly, just an amazing day to just....hang loose! lol:D
    Supper went well. I didn' thave to make the noodles! Last time I made this meal, I messed the noodles over. Oops!

    That's it for now folks!

Current Mood: refreshed
Current Location: Upstairs Computer
Current Music: The Martins- As Far as faith will take me

Hmm, I played badminton after school. I lost my first game (it was bad. i wasn't warmed up or anything, so it wasn't great), won my second and third games (21-16, 21-4, 21-2, 21-2), and then lost the first set, and won the second one.

The last game was against the best badminton single girls player, and I beat her in the second game. Brattiest girl I've ever played against. She was winning by about 3, and she got mad when she dropped a point! *unsure* But, i just stayed calm and it was great!

And then at Youth had a massive pillow fight *sighs happily* I wish it was every week instead of every other week. I look forward to it SOOOO much. Honestly, there's no words to describe.... I just feel so...peaceful there. There's kids that come from the Bible College in town, and there's usually six of us or so, and we talk about our week, so some silly, strange, weird, random things, and have a blast, eat junk food (but since I gave it up, I look for oranges, apples, something like that!), and just talk about our week. Hopefully we'll get to do a weekend one, where we can stay for longer than we usually do. Honestly, we could go for hours!

I'm tired. It's been a long week so far. I've got drama festival coming up, and singing festival after wards, my cassette player's broken, and I haven't been able to practice for two weeks, I need to find props, and I've had math homework that's taken me two hours for the past three nights.

*complain* I hate school....*complain*

What else? On the way to badminton and back, about a half hour trip each way, was just....fun. There was two guys from my class, (one sitting up front, the other in the back), and then my sister, a guy fromm her class, as well as a girl from her class (Megz, you know who I'm talking about O_o). Anyways, it was a blast! We were just talking about....everything. Ragging on each other, and just being...teens, which is something I haven't felt in forever!

I'm the oldest of seven, and so feel like I'm responsible for a lot (which is true), and I've had to mature faster in a lot of ways that other people my age haven't. And, so I see things a lot differently than people from my class, age group, and all that. It's not really a bad thing, just different. But, it also sets me back in some ways. Like, I don't hang out a lot, because I have to baby-sit, so I don't feel comfortable in large groups, and I don't make strong ties with people, I don't like really strange situations, I'm leery of new people (actually, depends on who I'm with...), and there's other. Okay, that's my rag on my life! lol:D

Current Mood: artistic
Current Location: Bed
Current Music: The Fray - How to Save A Life

Title: A Pickpocket's Tale
Author: Karen Schwabach

Info:

Molly has been sent to America, but for what, she doesn't know. Sure, she's pickpocketed to keep herself alive, but she's always been sly. It had to be a rat.
The judge sentences her, as well as the rest of the group she's with to America instead of the gallows. Instead of feeling grateful that she still has her head and neck attatched, 10-year-old Molly just wants to go back to the place that she's called home for so long.
Once there, she's bought by a Jewish family, the Bells. The story is a reflection of how she figures how to take control of her life and live.

It's a great book, probably best for kids 10 to about 15 (since I enjoyed it). It's set in the 1700's, when disease, slavery, and death ravenged the cities and streets of New York.

Current Mood: amused
Current Location: Desk
Current Music: 12Stones- Broken

Five metal fingers
Graze my neck
In cold
Love

                                                                                Tightening their
Grip
They cut through
Flesh

                                                                                        Red blood
Oozes
Down my
Collar bone

                                                                                    Screams lodged
In fear
Wide eyes
Terrified

                                                                                           They let
Go and I
See evil
Laughter in
Their eyes

                                                                                       They've left
But I can still
Feel them
Clawing

                                                                                   ( Stupid barbed
Wire
Fence)

I got the idea for this poem when I saw the scars on my sister's face and neck. She ran into a barbed fence at Thanksgiving a few years back, and is now scared of them. Wonder why?

So, that's my poem for the moment. Let's see, what's up with me lately? I finally got my learner's, and I've driven twice, scared the crap out of my mom, and changed the seat a bunch and a half.

That's about it.

Current Mood: determined
Current Location: Living Room

I DROVE YESTERDAY! For the first time, I drove! I know to most people this wouldn't seem like a big thing, but for me, it is. I have six younger bros and sisses, and to be able to have a sort of 'power' over them, it feels great!

This week's the last (hopefully) really busy, that I'm aware of. Jr. Basketball is finished, and there's Sr.'s on the weekend. The only thing I have is drama, hip-hop, Youth, and school, so it's pretty low-key! Meaning that I should (hopefully) be able to update my stories on fictionpress.com sometime this coming week. I'll do it tomorrow, seeing as it looks like I'm not doing anything. *sigh*

But, that's the game plan. And, I've been a poetry maniac, at least one a day. Which doesn't seem like a lot, but for me it is!

Okay, later all:D

Current Mood: awake
Current Location: Semi-lit desk
Current Music: Air 1

Four points
Four directions
Four ways
It travels

North
South
East
West

The wind
Knows no
Bounds

Travelling
As it
Would

Shrieking
Howling
Whispering
Tickling

Hushed
Thoughtful

Emotions
Not bound
To
Humans

Visiting
Places,

Been in
Times,

We can only
Dream of

There's ma poem. Hope you all enjoyed. And since I am completely lazy tonight, here's my rant on having no TV, copy and pasted from the moviebuffs community:

As I am probably one of very few people who DON'T have TV, I didn't get to watch it. *cries silently in corner* And, I didn't get to see HALF the movies on the damn list. If my weekends weren't so busy, I would have. *shoots basketball.*

Alas, since I didn't watch them, I had to be happy with reading the results off the Hotmail link *feels extremely pathetic*

Since I didn't see all the movies, I don't think I can make any judgments either way. However, I'm hoping that sometimes soon my friend and I can rent most of the movies and just watch until our eyeballs pop out. However, since I live in a ridiculessly small town, who knows WHEN that'll happen (they have one of each movie, not....8.). O_o.

So, that's my rant on the unfairness of no TV on a night like that...

If you have EVER headed on over to my other journal (manyfacets), you'd know that I've been wanting to act since I was eight. I'm now fifteen. So missing out on something like the Oscars is big. Not as big when I was younger cause I had too much of a life to know what they were. But now that I'm getting more and more interested in my future, missing it was a blow. Not huge, but enough.

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Location: Dark desk
Current Music: Jimmy Neeham - Lost At Sea

Here's my review on 'I, Robot'. I know that originaly this journal was for the thoughts of my characters, but I've decided that it'll be much more than that. It'll be what I think of movies, songs, books, and as was originally planned, some of my character talk.

So, here's 'I, Robot':

I just finished watching it today. I had started it a couple of days ago, and didn't have time to finish.

But, I loved it! The movie had a good plot, and the mystery surrounding the death was great. Will Smith did a great job of acting, the reason for his hating robots tangible. And, I liked Bridget Moynahan's character development, from a person who thinks that nothing can go wrong with what she's doing, to a person who starts to question, and try new things.

Alex Proyas, I thought, did a good job directing. The thing that I found disturbing is how nobody else thought that having the robots do everything was disturbing, and that they trusted everything completely to them. Then again, I suppose that us humans will do just about anything for something to obey us without question.

Yeah, probably a crappy review, but I'm just starting out. They'll get better, like everything else you try.

Current Mood: curious
Current Location: Sitting on my bed
Current Music: Paul Wright - Take This Life

The creep TOUCHED me! Honestly, that's gross! I can still feel his cold fingers going down my neck. Good thing they didn't go down further. I don't think I could have stopped myself from throwing up all over him.

I wonder what Egil, Camlin, Jarek and them are doing.I wish they would hurry up. I know that there's little chance of them ACTUALLY finding me. It's not like I had time to send someone to them with a sealed invitation or anything. Mother will be soooo disappionted when she finds out about that. The fact that invitations weren't sent.

I wonder what this Shraver fellow is all about. I know the whisperes where about him. Of that I'm positive, but I don't know what. There are so many things that they could have been about. I mean, there's everything from sleeping with the maids to treating his stock unkindly, but that doesn't exactly warrent whispers. I don't think people are that incredibly petty. Scratch that, I know that they are, well, some. The rest are either a mix, or aren't.

Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if I was born poor. Then the only thing I would have to complain about is how the crops aren't growing. Either poor or being born a boy. Then I could go to KKS, and I wouldn't be in this mess. Thanks a lot Father!

Current Mood: amused
Current Location: Home
Current Music: Red

Hey guys! Onyx here, just chatting it up! LOL:D Who love the new userpic? Decided that I needed to share my love of Romeo+Juliet with the world! And, it's a pretty darn good looking Romeo, is it not? :D

Current Mood: chipper
Current Location: Home
Current Music: Casting Crowns

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& new york is wonderful in the wintertime

how the smile on his face says he's in love

Entries tagged with thoughts

Lying Locks

I WANT TO KNOW WHYYYYY!

Hang Loose

(no subject)

Book Review: A Pickpocket's Tale

Cold Love

DRIVING!

Four Directions and Rant

I, Robot

Adela Says

Onyx Says